Sweater Weather--COME ON!

Summer is not some girl I don't like or some woman I've had a spat with. Summer is a season I spat with. A hot, humid, skin burning, cancer causing season...

No good comes of summer other than spending time IN cold water, not near it. And you can do that in your tub. And the only reason one would want to spend ANY time in a cold tub would be to cool off because of summer! Well, that's not entirely true. You can swim in a brook. Stay there all day, though, don't go home til way after dark.

HOT CHORES:  I hate mowing my lawn. It is always too hot to do it on weekends, for some odd reason, and it rains in Vermont almost every single week day evening! Every single one. We get that "lake effect" coming from Champlain, it blasts over the Greens and drops hard, cold rain on us in the Lamoille Valley. Almost every  after-noon or evening. Then when one tries to mow the lawn on the weekend? It's all mossy and thick with moisture, making it a nightmare to mow. And forget vacuuming. Just forget it. It's a sweaty, heart thumping job in the WINTER, say nothing about in 90% humidity.

Length of days mean nothing to me. I hate the long days and nights that go on forever. My sleep rhythms get all out of wack and I can't fall asleep until way after dark and oh yes, low and behold (BONUS) it's LIGHT OUT early too! 

And don't even get me started with the mosquitoes! Every single night you try. You try to go out on the porch. Maybe there's a full moon. Maybe even shooting stars. And seconds go by and Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Yup there they are. Coming for you. Coming to suck the life out of you.

I hate sticky clothes, having to wear clothes at ALL, when men (most of whom have no business doing so) parade around topless. I dread getting into a hot car and having to use the air conditioning. Keying into a locked (humid) house and having to use more air conditioning. Not ever being able to sleep without a fan. 

And it's damn bright out too! I hate having to wear sunglasses, squinting all the while because the only truly good sunglasses? Are ones that you end up smearing with SPF 500.  And I hate friends of mine who actually LOVE summer. Who are these people and why the Hell am I friends with them? I ask myself. 

Yup. Summer sucks and I am glad when it is almost over. 

My absolute favorite day of the year is the day (and it does happen one day every year) that it is about 7 degrees colder under any shade tree than in the sun around it. That day? Signals cool, calm breezes, the colors of autumn leaves, smoke curling out of chimneys, wood piles stacked high and dry. Yes, that day? Came four days ago and now we are sliding and gliding in fall. 

Summer be damned! We are now on our way to sweater weather!