Tricky Man Friends

So, I've had my share of male friends, most of whom, over the years, have been married. What I mean is, most MEN over a certain age are married. So, it stands to reason that most of my male friends are, indeed, married.

It's tricky being friends with married men, even if they are married to other married men.

Their spouses always and forever, at some point, saunter up to us, give me the "hairy eyeball" and TOUCH the man with whom I am speaking, sometimes on the arm and other times on the chest. This is to signal "cut that out" and the man usually frowns, stops talking entirely and wanders off.

It's a real nuisance to me and I am both publicly annoyed by and amused by this typical, predictable behavior a lot. I can talk to a woman for hours, even if she has a girlfriend or female spouse. It's rare that women get jealous of me when I've got their "woman's " attention. But wives of men or husbands of men are relentless.

Why I even bother is a real question, but I continue to put up with them because really? In all honesty? In my life, there are very few men I can even tolerate. So when I find a good one, I do want to have some sort of relationship with him, even if it involves a constant a tug-of-war with his "beloved."

We are mammals and I really believe we are rarely monogamous, although everyone insists that we are and can't understand how anyone can "stray." I mean, wedding vows are often said by (let's face it) hung-over, desperate people with such cold feet they can rarely even get the words out without screwing them totally up. Watch a wedding video sometime. NOBODY gets them completely right, even when the pastor/priest/clergy is FEEDING THEM THE WORDS almost one-by-one!

I don't mean to say that folks should up and fool around with any old person. I don't condone that or encourage it. But people should UNDERSTAND how it could happen and be willing to overlook or at least try to get to the bottom of the "why," I think. Boredom is real in relationships. Contempt is dangerous. There are just so many times you can hear someone say the same thing, tell the same story with the same inflections before you at least shout inside your head, "THAT? is it!"

Other people do look good to us. I, personally, can't pay strict attention to anyone unless I am either doing something rote or concentrating on their very words. So, looking over a man's shoulder to look at another man? Doesn't happen. When I am with someone I am with them. Him. Not crazily, step in front of a bus, with him, but with him. And my mind doesn't wander. My heart doesn't yearn for another person. I have that much respect for a relationship. But when I'm done? I'm done. When he's done, I'm not always done. Therein? Lies the problem.

There was a really funny Seinfeld episode where Elaine broke up with a boyfriend and he? Wasn't done. So the boyfriend said, "No. We actually are not breaking up." Elaine said they were. He said they weren't and so on. The next shot was of them in bed. It took her all episode to ditch the guy because he wasn't ready to end it. And even then I don't think she followed through with it because it was "exhausting" being with him and even worse not being with him.

So suffice it to say that I? Am not done with this current man in my life. He's  not circling the drain. He's not turning his back entirely. OR? He could be doing the "Break Up Solution Number One" thing (there is a handbook) called "let her down easily" (code for she could be a crazy, conniving, retaliatory b--tch!) but I don't think so. I have stopped trying to read between the lines. I have read the cards--we're in this for the long haul....and at my age, frankly, that isn't long. And if he is done with me? He needs to more than saunter off brows creased, following the sound of someone else's voice. He needs to "man up" and say so and sit there and suffer the consequences...whatever they may be. 

It's tricky having men friends. It's trickier having the one man I do have in my life. Everything is temporary, I remind myself. Everything ends. But my love for this one particular fool? Is still running those rapids, still crashing into the rocks, still finding deep pools to cool off in on those hot summer days. This isn't new love. This is ancient. I wrote on the walls with charcoal with this guy. I tended the fire. I'm not going anywhere. I'm just not.